For years in my home group, an old-timer named Rusty G. used to cut straight through the wreckage of whatever room-wide pity party was happening. Whenever someone would spend their five minutes complaining about a boss, a spouse, or the guy who cut them off in traffic, Rusty would just shake his head, smile, and say:
"It’s the spiritual axiom, stupid."
It was blunt, it was affectionate, and it was exactly what I needed to hear.
When I first came into recovery, I thought the whole point of working a program was to get the world to finally start behaving the way I wanted it to. I thought peace meant circumstances going my way. But the older I get in this journey, the more I realize that my peace has almost nothing to do with what’s happening out there, and everything to do with what’s happening in here.
The text in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions lays it out in plainly:
"It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us."
The first time I read that, my defenses immediately went up. There's something wrong with me? What if someone genuinely wrongs me? What if someone lies to me, cuts me off, or treats me unfairly? Surely, I have a right to be angry.
But Rusty’s favorite phrase taught me a deeper truth. It really doesn't matter who is at fault, who started it, or who did what. The moment I get resentful, anxious, or angry, that disturbance exists inside of me. The other person isn't suffering from my resentment—I am. And that internal disturbance is the only thing I actually have control over in the situation.
I have two choices when the noise starts creeping in. I can choose to play the victim, blame the other person, and focus entirely on their faults, or, if I am to have any real peace of mind, I can stop looking across the street. Blaming others is an easy trap to fall into, and frankly, my ego loves it. But it never leads to serenity. I have to look at my own reflection, keep my side of the street clean, and practice the hard, daily work of forgiveness.
That daily pause is exactly why we started 11th Step Coffee Co., and it’s the exact inspiration behind our newest light-medium roast, Spiritual Axiom.
For me, the morning ritual of brewing coffee has become inseparable from my morning quiet time. When I pour that first cup, it’s a physical reminder to slow down, take an honest inventory of my heart before the day starts, and clear out yesterday's wreckage.
If you’re looking for a quiet moment of reflection in the morning, I hope this coffee can be a companion to your meditation. But more than anything, next time life gets loud and the resentments start to bubble up, I hope you hear a little bit of Rusty G. in the back of your mind, reminding you where the real work—and the real peace—is found.
- Darin S